Jul 29, 2012

His Presence

I feel your presence even when the hustle and bustle chimes my ears.
At late, I ponder awake like a sitting tulip needing fresh air.
Pictures of you are in every section of the house.
I hug my pillow tight before tucking underneath as the sun,
feeling the warmth which use to hover me as you did.
Nowadays the weeds and grass are my companions. The more I sit hurting
my mind overwhelmed like puzzles that can’t physically touch one another.
But I feel you within me. We are one entity. And at the highlight of the day 
I find myself falling. Broken pieces I can’t seem to make whole. In my panic,
I transcend into another world as my arms encase you.
There I‘d fantasize us glowing on a small cosmic planet,  floating  in outer space,
gravity free. No one is pulling us apart, it would be our galaxy.
You would always be there beside me. My heart eased because you
would be safe and sound. We’d capture our memories in a capsule. 
 All of them saved… never to escape our tender clutches.  
And if you ever became sad we’d cruise in our spaceship to a
bigger and  brighter star. But, this persistent daydreaming and telepathy
I have to shake off.  I keep pressuring myself to stay strong.
Yet, when I hear or see certain things reminding me of you, my body
weakens with each one. And then I feel your presence telling me it’s okay mom.
For a short while I’m happy because you are with me in spirit.
However, today I felt like I was losing it. I was losing myself inside of you.
My world is a shrinking violet , sapping my energy like a cactus plant.
You’re like a hernia that keeps increasing in size causing more pain.
It’s difficult to cut the apron strings; the small hands that once hugged my hips.
I’d bend over and give you a great big kiss. I know it’s not your fault.
Every person must grow for themselves. However, there are sacrifices and
a means to an end. Today, I truly understand I’m not losing a son but
you are becoming a man.  Whether near or far you’re with me in my heart.
I can constantly feel your presence.

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