Aug 6, 2013

Hidden Agendas (spilling emotions)


Most of my life I have found refuge in my own prison even when my
home was plagued by many faces. They came to reside like serpents
for a short while or until their mission was complete. And I welcomed
them with an open mind in hopes they would come clean.
How can a viper be a true friend to me? I got nothing besides
headaches, pain and unfulfilled pleasure. These auras would scent my
home with this hidden agenda. I ignored all of the warning signals,
zooming pass stop signs, yellow caution lights, and failing to yield the
right of way. I was a needle in a haystack; the teen under the influence at
a frat party. I gave of myself freely... to freely until I started to become unglued.
Bit by bit by bit...

They did not care about me. They did ask of my needs. They
sarcastically laughed at me under my roof. The roof that eventually
crumbled around my head. I was losing it. When my soul was almost taken;
my heart broken to the meat, I began to consider my feelings.
You know it is a cruel punishment I would not place upon my worst enemies.
To be mistreated by the one who gave you life.
It's alright, I have accepted that through my Father's help.

However, some nights I just can't help myself from crying and wondering
what did I do so wrong besides being born. And then anger would arise in 
a romantic song, taunting me to strike back like a cobra. I often would wish
myself someone else or  catch myself in a deep net of daydreams.
Still, I had to confront my worse fears. There was no one to hold my hand
at least not on earth. I've always heard "everybody needs somebody to love."

(head shaking) There had got to be a reason for this…Was I a sacrifice?!!!!  
Only when the seasons change would that question be answered; the hour
when the clock hand finally stops on me. So I kept living and existing as my heart 
was driven to seek a better place. I've done wrong! I'll shout it from the rooftops. 
Yet, those I've encountered refuse to see pass my faults,
the silent wasps outside my window pane. I'll pray for them before I go insane.
But, the knocks at the door, I hardly answer because there must be a hidden 
agenda. I can't afford to lose anymore.

jhp©2010-2011 



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